No Annie Oakley

Ahhh-I hear….a clock ticking. After a seemingly long, and at times exasperating, Monday the lone tick of an old clock is welcome. The youngest has been put to bed and the others are away or busy. So here I sit, now able to replay the day in my mind. I laugh. Now.

This day began too early for my liking by this boy complaining of a sore throat. He has been mentioning it repeatedly all weekend. I’ve prayed, consoled, offered lozenges, made him gargle salt water, viewed the said affected area by bright light at least ten times (to see not even a pink splotch). I’m not one to run to the pediatrician at a moments notice but my ‘wait it out’ philosophy was wearing thin. Mostly because my patience was. So by noon, on this fabulously sunny springlike Monday, we found ourselves prepping for a visit with the doctor. A one o’clock appointment awarded us with a negative strep test and an “I see absolutely nothing wrong, eat some chicken noodle soup”. Now on one hand I feel the sigh of relief but on the other the urge to cry at wasted time and no answer. Amazingly the simple knowledge the doctor had said he was fine cured him instantly. So much so that he didn’t need to drink the herbal tea I made him. He insisted he was totally better and wanted to play outside. I felt a tinge of anger rising. I made him drink the tea. Well most of it. Afterward we donned a hat and a light jacket for what was left of today’s nice weather.

Our yard is still a bit muddy from last weeks rain storms so bike riding and sports of most kinds were out. Even a nice walk is still a bit of a stretch. “How about let’s play bird watching?” Um, I’ve never heard him offer this option. It sounded relaxing so I agreed. A welcome sight and sound this week is the return of so many to play us their music again.

Once outside, I have to be honest, I was a bit confused. I saw little guy with two BB guns and two targets. He hands me ‘my gun’ and says “you ready?” I reply, “For—-??? Birdwatching?” He could not have missed the question on my face. He hurried to explain we were going to pretend to watch birds and then pick them out of the sky. A competition of sorts between the two of us. Naturally. This is no binocular in hand bird watching boy we’re talking about. What was I thinking? So we commenced shooting at our targets and one thing quickly became clear. I am no Annie Oakley. His bullseye was loaded with little BB holes and mine, well, lets just say I had a nice little group toward the top and right. Also a lot of ricochet noises. I may or may not have hit a couple of things in the distance as well. Thus began the giggles. He made an attempt to make me feel less inept by placing a new bullseye closer to my “group” so maybe I could hit that one. Still nope. I used to be so much better.

My sympathy target…on the bright side, its still good for him to use tomorrow.

It is said that age 8, which little guy is now, Annie Oakley could hit a squirrel running across her yard. By 15 she was competing. By adulthood shooting had become her livelihood. This turn of the century sharpshooter could hit a tossed dime, riddle playing cards aloft, snuff out candles with her bullets breeze, and even shoot the cigarette right out of her husbands mouth. Apparently at this stage in life I’d be lucky to hit most anything…or shall we say unlucky????😬

The amazing Annie Oakley

I certainly lost our “birdwatching” game but won quite a few smiles. By the time we came in for supper it was getting a bit late. My day of frustration had melded into laughter like the sun into the night.

Just for the record, there’s been no further mention of the nagging sore throat. I guess I’ll chalk that up as a win no matter how it came.

For the Love of Others

It has been nearly two weeks since I’ve shared a little piece of my heart on this site. We’ve had plenty of activity so I’ve had plenty of material to write about and yet, like having writers block, nothing has poured out until today. I’ve toyed with a few entries and upon starting them I just knew they weren’t right.

During this silent time we have had a snow storm dumping almost ten inches locally, the celebration of Valentines Day, a few appointments, a couple of social gatherings, and a church work day…not to mention all of the daily ins and outs of life we maneuver. The common thread weaving it all together as of late is people. Other people. Intentional use of ourselves for someone else.

Last year at this time it was sunny and warm…unseasonably warm. My facebook reminded me of that this morning. Fresh greenery was poking through deadend leaves as we walked through the woods. I remember taking in the too early scent of spring and revelling in it. I was thankful to “have made it through” another winter. It’s not typically my best season. For the last several years I have allowed it to pull me inward in a self preservation mode. Other people have always mattered to me, but the thought of how crippled going outside of my warm protected little box could leave me physically, mentally, and emotionally has kept me from my full potential. If it seems there is a lot to read into that last statement you are correct.

This year something has snapped. I don’t care how I feel; (well, we all prefer to feel good), I am not living just for me. I mean, I’ve known that all along in my head, but the change is that fear has been replaced by grace. It’s so easy to view life from my own standpoint knowing what I deem to be my breaking point rather than asking God what He would like me to do, or be, and then trusting Him for the grace and strength to do those things. Up until recently I’ve used the phrase “its all about balance” quite a bit. In and of itself it’s not a bad way to live, but, BUT, what is balance.? On my terms balance is based on how I feel. On a spiritual level balance is asking God how far He wants to take me. I may feel stretched, uncomfortable, and completely unbalanced while being smack dab right in the middle of what God is doing in and through me. Actually, that word may in the last sentence should read WILL. I will feel stretched, uncomfortable, and unbalanced.

What does that have to do with snow storms, a holiday, appointments, get togethers, and life you may be wondering..??? Let me weave a tapestry of sorts to create a picture of past versus present.

After a ten inch snowstorm I had to venture out alone to take my boys to their 4-H class because my husband volunteered to dig someone out. I was hoping he would be back in time to come with us not only because I wanted him to drive in the mess but because I like to spend that time with him. I waited for that disappointed selfish feeling to come when he wasn’t home in time, but it didn’t. It had been replaced by joy knowing someone else could safely be on their way because he took his time to help. Valentine’s Day (and Fat Tuesday) was celebrated with a greater joy by giving pieces of our time (and paczkis😂) to a few loved ones we hadn’t seen since Christmas. We then celebrated each other in our home by exchanging our little gifts.

I was also challenged a bit by my daughter who spent hours planning valentine games for her little brother’s enjoyment.

I hate appointments. They are an intrusion on my time. They annoy me…but what good does that do…..? Just go with a smile and hope to encourage someone else along the way. Typically I would let these routine things drag me down. There are some social gatherings I enjoy and others that are totally out of my comfort zone. I’ve had each this last couple weeks. At one point I even had tears come to my eyes wishing I was somewhere else…but then the realization immediately dawned that I wasn’t there for me anyway. It wasn’t about me at all. It wasn’t my party. Then my tears came because I realized how truly selfish I can be. Truly, the icing on the cake was yesterdays work day. I have no problem working. It’s actually where I’m most comfortable because I’m digging in doing something where I feel productive. I can see the results immediately. Ya, I’m not the most patient person at times. So anyway, as I’m on the floor doing a little scrubbing it dawns on me. I’m on my hands and knees scrubbing…without even thinking about it or second guessing how painful my joints could feel the next day. Good thing I was alone in that moment because once again a few tears fell. This is what I want. I don’t want my fears to control my boundaries. They do not need to dictate my normal. The link here for me in these miscellaneous seemingly mundane instances is that any one of them only a year ago would have put me under for an amount of time. In the last two weeks I’ve been granted grace to live outside of my own limitations for others….for their good. Isn’t that what its about? Changing focus from my viewpoint to God’s….what does He want me to do?, and whatever it is I know I can do all things through Him who gives me the strength. It’s not my strength. It’s not my agenda. This isn’t even my life in all honesty. It’s a gift to use…but what good is it if never given….. ?

Celebration of the Heart

Well it’s that time of year again. Our annual Valentine name drawing took place a couple of weeks ago and each of us has spent time planning and preparing a special something for a family member. I think we’ve each spent time planning anyway… the guys weren’t overly excited, as usual, but they always get over it! I’m just exercising their inner creativity…haha. As I’ve stated before, I love seeing what each person comes up with. Last years combine harvesting a field of hearts took the cake. It’ll be hard to top that one in my mind.

Melt my heart….I was amazed by the level of creativity (and glue) this creation took!

So my own creative juices have been functioning on low as of late…not sure why. Too busy? Too many other things on my mind? I’ve really had to think hard this last week so my ‘person’ can have a fighting chance at receiving something other than a bag of candy! Upon telling my husband of my struggle he had little compassion…”I don’t want to hear it. It was you’re idea anyway.” This made me laugh. I had to agree with him. This whole idea was my brainchild and no one has an ‘out’.

Since that night I’ve had a few moments of inspiration and spent most of yesterday afternoon working on my special project. I had a quiet house. I even kenneled the dogs for a bit to ensure my flow of ingenuity wouldn’t be interrupted.

Like priming a pump once I got going I started to get excited….Happy it was turning out nicely, hoping my person likes what I’ve made, and planning more things to add to our little festivities. Obviously I can’t share much of my planning yet…but I will say that since Fat Tuesday falls the day before I will be making paczkis again this year. I’m feeling the urge to bake again. It’s been awhile.

Sometimes I ask myself why I start these little traditions in the first place. They are a lot of work. They bring enjoyment, and I hope they instill a lifetime of good memories in our children. I believe it’s these little celebrations throughout life that bring smiles not just for a moment but for many to come. I’m sure stories will be retold in the future with eye rolls complete with commentary on how ‘mom made us do such and such…’ I’m okay with that. Maybe there will be grandchildren who will hear them and start the whole thing over again.

Today in church it was mentioned that we all are growing something or someone..for God or otherwise. So mocked and teased or not I choose to grow love in this home. With cheesy valentines and fattening pastries if need be.